Midlife The Owners Manual Blog

The statistics are terrifying; if women live to age 55 they are twice as likely to succumb to Alzheimer’s as their male counterparts.  Due to the fact that age is the greatest risk factor for Alzheimer’s Disease, and women live longer than men in general, you can do the math.

According to the Alzheimer’s Information organization, or http://www.alzinfo.org/, more that 10 million people are expected to develop Alzheimer’s Disease in the future decades.

If you ask me, the prognosis sounds grim. I read this news just today:

“Today, more than five million men and women in the United States are living with Alzheimer’s disease, with more than 400,000 new cases diagnosed each year. If no cure is found, there will be an estimated 450,000 new cases per year by 2010, and nearly a million a year by 2050.”

-Alzheimer’s Information site

What are some ways to hedge your bets to not become a statistic? I have read that keeping down the midlife “spread” will help, exercise will help, and using the brain on a daily basis for challenges such as learning a new language.

Due to the fact that my dear mother has Alzheimer’s Disease, my ears perk up when I hear anything about this subject. I plan to research this in the coming weeks and share what I learn.

Technorati Tags: Alzheimer’s Disease, Baby Boomers, Risk Factors for Alzheimer’s Disease

If you don’t think of yourself as a happy person, then why not take this time of midlife to make a change around that?

I saw a brief clip of a television interview with the author who wrote the newest book on happiness. The author, Sonya Lyubomirsky calls her research based book, The How of Happiness. She is a researcher and made some really great points in the interview. She said that up to 40% of our happiness is within our control, via different ways to be, think and act!

Some of it is genetically predetermined or determined by our circumstances, but this can be overcome. Yippy!

One thing that amazed me is that it can be visible to the onlooker whether an elderly person had more smiles or more frowns throughout his or her life! This is obvious by the tiny etched wrinkles that they have that denotes a lot of smiling or a lot of frowning. That was interesting. I plan to work towards having my wrinkles etched in the form of smile wrinkles! That is my intention!

One of her biggest ways to increase your happiness is creating thorough awareness of the idea of gratitude. This can be done by counting our blessings, thanking others, and not taking what we have for granted!

Over and over we hear of the use of gratitude as being one of the best ways to increase our happiness. That best technique that I learned to work with my gratitude is the gratitude journal. This is especially helpful during times of stress! The thing to do is to keep a journal or notebook by your bed, and prior to falling asleep, make a note of 3 to 5 things that you are grateful for.

Some days this can be simple. During really big challenges you may have to think up the most basic things, such as breathing! This will put you on the path to being a happier person. I am sure I have discussed gratitude before in this blog, but once again I am inspired by the research of this author and I will place my attention on the tips she gives to change what we can change around our own happiness.

I also see this work as building my resilience by finding better ways to think and make choices. I am making the choice to work within what I am able to control, and to take responsibility for my thoughts and behaviors.

What better time to enhance our happiness than in our midlife?

Technorati Tags: midlife, happiness, gratitude, resilience, wrinkles, Sonya Lyubomirsky The How of Happiness

As a whiner and a complainer, I have the intention to no longer be the whiner and the complainer. That means I have to take a long hard look at the things I whine and complain about and determine two things. First I need to be aware of my responsibility around the situation. Second, I need to think really big and broadly and allow another possibility for solving the situation that I am either complaining or whining about or heaven forbid, both whining and complaining!

Do I find myself complaining about the same thing day after day, week after week? That can be a good clue.

A couple months ago I heard myself whining. The situation was that I was responsible for all three days of transporting my mother, who has Alzheimer’s disease, to her adult day program. My brother had been a big help with at least one day, and on that day I was free to work or make plans without a worry of having to change the plans.

Then my brother got really busy at work and was out of town and I had full responsibility for the transportation.

I had to really pull forth from my steps to live by and figure out how to “happily” deal with this new turn of events. I truly believe that we need to ask for help.

Where can I get the help? What are my choices?

I could ask my father to take her, which I didn’t want to do because this is his special time to himself. As my mother’s primary caregiver, he deserves the time to do something fun or something he could not normally do when my mom was at home, as she can no longer be left alone. Another choice would be that she could take the transportation provided by the state, but I don’t feel that was the perfect solution due to her anxiety around the fact that she becomes somewhat anxious with strangers and the drive home is a big transition for her.

I know I need to ask for help, but that was not easy. I knew I wanted to have someone my mother knows, because one of her strengths is that she is a people person, and has not lost that ability to remember all her friends and family. I did let go, and ask my father to pitch in a few times. I knew I needed to move beyond the idea that it had to be a family member taking her, but I could not figure out what to do.

That is when I remembered something I had learned about the twelve step program; one of the steps is to give up your problem to a higher power. I asked my higher power to help me with a solution, because I could not figure out what to do.

The first thing I did to let go was to plan my week as if I was the sole driver. That way I did not have to rush around and change my work schedule and appointments if my brother was unavailable at the last minute. It cut down on my work time, but most importantly also decreased my stress level!

The second thing I did was pray for the answers, or to learn what was the way for me to deal with this. A week later I ran into a friend of my mother’s, a younger woman who used to work in the same office with my mother. She told me she would love to help with the care of my mother; even with the age difference they had been good friends.

It was the perfect solution for me! All I did was ask for a solution; I didn’t try to force one, it just developed! It is at times like this that I realize that even when I feel hopeless that I am out of choices or there is nothing else that can be done, I learn that that is not true. For each way that I think a problem should be solved there are many other ways that are not yet in my awareness.

Technorati Tags: infinite possibilities, twelve program, higher power, prayer, solutions, whining, complaining, Alzheimer’s Disease

What type of device or format do you use to keep track of your appointments and your life, including your list of things you don’t want to forget?

I remember it seems like zillions of years ago I listened to a self-study course on time management. It was actually about 29 years ago.

While the producers of this program had nothing to do with the company called Day-timer®, they used the Day-timer® as an example of a great system to use. What I started out with was a little tiny book that they made which was about 3×5 inches. That was a size that I could fit neatly in my purse and put all the appointments that I had for myself and for my two daughters. I used the “one page per day” style, and this was good enough for me to use for volunteering and mothering and my numerous part time jobs.

As far as a “to do” list goes, I need to put it on paper and strategize the order to feel mentally organized for the work at hand. I even do that when I cook a large dinner for friends.

As the years went on and I started back to college I got a bigger sized Day-timer® that was about 4×6 inches. During those years I had to fill it with schedules and assignments and phone numbers of fellow classmates, as well as the unending schedule of activities for two little girls who took dance and music lessons and played in sports. I even upgraded to the “two page per day” style, and filled it easily. I rarely missed a beat, or an appointment, and felt really organized. Once out of college and working I tried different sizes to keep me on track.

For a few years I even used one that was notebook size, and huge, so I could keep track of all my homecare appointments and my mileage and all else that was essential to the organized, well-balanced woman!
Time flies when one is having fun, and I now no longer had to worry about anyone’s schedule but my own. Children grow and move out and I was left with some empty spaces in the big book.

My time management system gets downsized to the manageable purse size book!

As I began to fit more classes into my schedule, this time at Coach U, I continued to need lots of room to make notations of my appointments. I had to keep looking at the date book to know what I was supposed to do at specific times. I had lots of teleclasses to attend, calls to make and work schedules to adhere to!

My mentor at that time was using a palm® and therefore I felt the necessity to use one also. I could set little alarms to go off so I would never miss an appointment or a call! There was a place to make a strategizing task list, and best of all, it can be downloaded into the computer, and synchronized between the handheld and computer. This way I could use my schedule at the computer or anywhere.

That was very handy when I did have a computer crash, the schedule was there and waiting to be placed back on via the palm® itself through the beauty of the synchronization process. The palm® has been running for five years now, and is backed up daily. This is the system that is working for me today. When I need to see my schedule on paper, I just print it out from the computer! The handiest part of this system is the little alarm that warns me of an appointment, and also the portability of the little device.

My next step will be to combine my phone, computer and palm® device all into one.

Any comments from the BlackBerry®, Treo®, or iPhone users?

Technorati Tags: Day-timer®, appointments, time management, palm®, synchronization, computer crash, back up, teleclasses, Coach U, Treo®, BlackBerry®, iPhone

When was the last time you made a determined effort to save money?

I have decided that saving for my retirement is now an inevitable high priority. I have always maintained a philosophy to save money, but when I come out of denial and realize that I may be half way through my life, I feel the need to save even more diligently for retirement.

Hmmmm…….how do I do that? Parts of the process are a no-brainer. I look through all the charges on my credit card, and drop out of many regularly billed memberships or clubs that I no longer use! That is also a good lesson in letting go. I have come up with three items that I can consider dropping. That will save me ninety-seven dollars per month.

It is no wonder I feel as though I don’t have any cash; I am spending all my money paying off the credit card! My personal philosophy is to pay the credit card off in full each month. If I spend more than I can afford by basking in the false sense of financial security that the use of my credit card brings to me, then I can never catch up.

I may look further and see if there are any other “ongoing” charges that I can eliminate. Where am I leaking money in other ways? Am I being the big spender by grabbing the check when I haven’t planned to do that? Am I buying gifts for others with money I don’t really have?

Some of the ways I saved money in the past was to approach those who owed money to me and actually ask for a repay schedule. I don’t have any outstanding money owed now, so that is not an option. In the past I have also played the credit card game, where I transfer my charges from one card to another card, which has a zero percent rate. I am not recommending that any do this, but it can be done.

It is important to be sure there is not a transfer fee that will apply. If you transfer the balances and are lucky enough to not have a transfer fee, then you can make payments with much less sense of urgency, because you won’t be paying outrageous finance charges. Of course, rest assured, you must make the payments, the minimum amount due and on time, or the whole process is useless, because the company can change the rate and charge late fees, finance charges as well. This is only for those truly organized and diligent about paying on time.

On occasion, if you are very savvy about your expenses, it may behoove you to pay the minimum, place what you would have paid into a savings and just bite the bullet and pay a little finance charge. That is useful if your charges are not huge. I found this little trick useful thirty years ago when I needed to have a bit of cash for our settlement on the house. It was the only way I could get the money together.

The very best way I have found to save money is to find a way to moonlight. By moonlighting or consulting, you save money two ways; one way is by making more money, and the second way is because you do not have the time to spend any money because you are too busy making it!

Technorati Tags: financial security, credit card, saving money, zero percent rate, transfer fee, moonlighting, consulting, money leaks

What do you say to yourself in times of trouble? When we are able to help ourselves in a difficult situation by the use of strengthening self talk, we are better able to transform the stress into something useful and we can become more adaptable.

Several years ago I taught a stress reduction class and prior to the first class the participants would fill out a questionnaire. One of the questions was around the idea of our thoughts and sayings when we are in a challenging or stressful situation. One answer from a participant that really inspired me was the phrase, “This too shall pass.” This participant said that repeating that phrase was her way of getting through her troubles.

This kind of thinking is also helpful to be more positive, and to build resilience.

Who does not need resilience in the chaotic time of midlife? Midlife can be a time of intense change and even loss. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to take the challenges and be able to bounce back from them?

Do you know anyone who may have lost his or her job, only to make the best of it? Did they look at the opportunities it afforded them, no matter how small?

Another saying I have is that, “I can handle this,” or “I have choices here.” I may not see the choices, but I am directing myself into another mindset and possible choices by attracting the opposite of what is going wrong!

Listen to what you say to yourself, either aloud or silently. Is what you are saying helping you or hindering you?

Technorati Tags: Transform stress, self talk, positive, resilience, midlife, This too shall pass, I can handle this

I often think of how different the world is right now, in my midlife, as compared to what it was like in my mother’s midlife. One huge difference between these generations is electricity. At this time in my life and in the history of mankind, we use electricity for many things!

Almost too many things, one could say, if you feel a longing for a simpler life.

The insight I had recently was during an ice storm, when I woke up to a day without electricity. We had sleet and freezing rain, and all the trees were heavy with ice. The frosted look was beautiful, but the price for that splendor can be downed branches and tree limbs. The poor evergreens were heavy with ice-laden branches, and tree limbs just snapped and lay strewn across the lawn.

At first thought I think that the electric being off is not the worst thing that can happen. And, it is not the worst thing. But to try to find something to do that does not use electricity and one finds that their list of possible activities does not seem long at all.

What I found most interesting was that I had to really think long and hard about what I could do.

All my “usual” activities involved the use of electricity; this includes my use of the computer, radio or music playing, television, cooking and many other activities. Essentials come down to the use of water, which does empty the water tank quite quickly by normal use. The water pump is run by electric, which is how our water tank is filled. That could eventually impact use of the toilet.

Yikes!

There is no using the computer without electricity. I couldn’t take a shower, because I didn’t want to run out of water and it would be icy cold! I couldn’t wash my hair, to get rid of the bed head look, and I couldn’t make coffee. I have to remind myself to get a coffee pot that I can just perk on the gas burners. Without the electric to make a spark I do have to light the burners with a match in order spark the start of the flame.

This isn’t complaining as much as it is a realization for me that I need to add some interests to my life that are more basic and not dependent on electric. I just don’t think that life as my mother knew it came to a total standstill for the period of time during the outage of electric. The irony of progress may demonstrate a lost art of a more resourceful way of living life before technology and electric.

Technorati Tags: Technology, electric, computer, power outage, midlife

With the holidays behind me, I can look back and for the first time in my adult life I can say that I was able to accomplish the tasks I wanted to accomplish during the holidays. What I am noticing is that during this time of midlife I am finding that the day to day, season to season routines are running smoother.

Perhaps this is because I have had years of practice, learned by my past mistakes, and have taken the time to allow myself to be prepared!

What a novel idea!

Being prepared for the holidays was a conglomeration of some key concepts. These concepts consisted of actually thinking, and placing my awareness towards what it is I need to address. Being prepared for me means to let go of what is cluttering my life, concentrate on what is most important, and take the action to complete what will improve my life. Continue Reading »

How many women lose money by not being careful with it and by giving too much of their money away?How many women do not have money to show for their work by not asking for money owed to them and not charging enough for professional services?I know there was a time when I found myself putting out my own money and buying equipment for my clients when I did home care in Occupational Therapy. An observer would have thought I was independently wealthy.At any given time I would have my money in pockets, crumpled in purses and brief cases and all over my car. I actually looked on the State of Pennsylvania’s website and found there was an unclaimed paycheck for over three hundred dollars that I forgot about! It was well over seven years old, and I had to do some fancy footwork to reclaim my lost money, but I did get the money!Some of this chaos was due to being overextended (I was working 60 plus hours a week at that time) and the ensuing disorganization from being overextended. The situation was also created by being somewhat ambivalent about money. I was also not respecting it enough as my own energy.This situation of not taking care of money and limiting the potential to have more than we do is often times innate to being female, but not exclusively so. I have just had more experience with my own life and of the situations of many of my coaching clients.Is this due to feelings of not deserving what we are able to accumulate? Is our idea of what we should be making lower than what we could be making, and unable to rise up like a temperature on a fixed thermostat?Caring for our financial health can be compared to our physical self care. It takes insight and awareness, diligence, open mindedness, respect and creativity. Taking care of our money is a metaphor for our energy; we put forth the energy and we earn the money. When we do not take the proper care of our finances we can find ourselves with a “leak” in our power.I am looking for leaks in my energy wall; I have found a gym membership fee that is taken out of my checking account each month, but I haven’t been there in ages. My choices, if I want to show respect for my energetic output of money would be to:

1. Stop the automatic payment, or,
2. Go to the gym and work out

In theory it is quite uncomplicated!This is a topic of huge proportions.Watch for more about this issue of losing money!Where do you leak money?

Technorati Tags: money, energy, losing money, Occupational Therapy

Many women find that they are interested in starting a business of their own once they are in midlife. It can be a second or third career.

I was once a member of a formal networking group; the point was to come together as individuals and help each other grow our businesses through networking. It was a close cohesive group, and often times members would rely on the services of other members. An interesting aspect of this occurrence that I noticed was that when many of the women did business with each other, they discounted their services or products. This discounting was automatic and it was not observed with any of the men in regards to doing business with others. The men always appeared to charge their going rate.

Hmmm……if you have a business, do you discount or barter?

In this particular group it was quite common for the women to either give a discount, charge less, give away more for their going rate, or barter with others. This set a precedent for the other women, and in my opinion it was an action that was demonstrating a snowball effect.

What does this tell you about their thinking in regards to being reimbursed? Of course one could say that the women who do this are generous and possibly enjoy giving. That may be true; it makes me think that there may be a difference in the way that these women felt about accepting the money that they earned and how differently the men felt about accepting the money that they earned.

Is there really a difference in the way women and men value their work?

Of course I will never really know the reason for the discrepancy I observed in my group, but I do see the challenges that many of my clients have with charging enough for their service or products.

Often times these challenges of charging appropriately can stem from many old ways of thinking about money, childhood beliefs, or confidence in their discussion around the service. It can be a matter of being uncomfortable with the discussion of money. It is a commonly known fact that people place a greater value on what they pay for.

Therefore, it may help your bottom line to charge your full price!

Technorati Tags: Discount, networking group, bartering, reimbursement, midlife business startup